Privacy Rights

I read somewhere that I am supposed to give all visitors to my website a “privacy statement”. I don’t want to break any laws, but I don’t know where to look to see what laws exist. This is my attempt to abide by whatever laws there are.

YOUR PRIVACY
I can’t access anything about you. When you visit my site, I supposedly can see that a person visited at a particular time and a particular ISP?. Apparently there is no way that I can determine any identity of anyone, nor do I wish to. Rest assured that I can’t find out anything about you if you visit my site. If you doubt this in any way, please, please leave this site and do not return.
I also read something about child proofing sites. I can’t take that responsibility. I may use a word such as “the” that someone may feel their kid shouldn’t see. Therefore, don’t let your kids see this site.

TERMS
Another thing I read from another website: That site absolved themselves completely from any consequence of someone reading something and then blaming the website for something. Let me just do the same with the following:
JUST BY VISITING MY WEBSITE, YOU AGREE THAT I, MY PARTNERS, MY FRIENDS, ANYONE I EVER KNEW, AND ANYONE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET ARE COMPLETELY BLAMELESS FOR ANYTHING YOU CAN POSSIBLY THINK TO BLAME US FOR. YOUR VISIT TO THIS WEBSITE ABSOLVES ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF OF ANY GUILT OF ANYTHING YOU OR ANYONE CAN THINK OF NOW OR IN THE FUTURE. IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH THIS, LEAVE THIS SITE IMMEDIATELY AND NEVER RETURN. WE ACCEPT ZERO BLAME FOR ANYTHING AND YOU AGREE TO THIS.